Oh my god how cute! It’s so precious seeing these adorable siblings bond together at such a young age. Fantastic job by these progressive parents. FUCK that. You know what my sister and I were doing when we were 3 years old? Literally flinging our own shit at each other. Like I honest to god don’t even think I knew how to communicate at 3. I just sat around shitting my pants and throwing my own shit at my sister. And I turned out just fine. Meanwhile these two little shitheads are belting out lyrics to fucking KORN songs and headbanging in their car seats. Congrats. All I know is that in a couple of years when cute little Timmy sets the family cat on fire and sweetie pie Sally stabs her teacher in the jugular with a mechanical pencil the only person to blame will be the asshole parent holding the camera.

Deadspin- Notre Dame’s Manti Te’o, the stories said, played this season under a terrible burden. A Mormon linebacker who led his Catholic school’s football program back to glory, Te’o was whipsawed between personal tragedies along the way. In the span of six hours in September, as Sports Illustrated told it, Te’o learned first of the death of his grandmother, Annette Santiago, and then of the death of his girlfriend, Lennay Kekua.

Kekua, 22 years old, had been in a serious car accident in California, and then had been diagnosed with leukemia. SI’s Pete Thamel described how Te’o would phone her in her hospital room and stay on the line with her as he slept through the night. “Her relatives told him that at her lowest points, as she fought to emerge from a coma, her breathing rate would increase at the sound of his voice,” Thamel wrote.

Upon receiving the news of the two deaths, Te’o went out and led the Fighting Irish to a 20-3 upset of Michigan State, racking up 12 tackles. It was heartbreaking and inspirational. Te’o would appear on ESPN’s College GameDay to talk about the letters Kekua had written him during her illness. He would send a heartfelt letter to the parents of a sick child, discussing his experience with disease and grief. The South Bend Tribune wrote an article describing the young couple’s fairytale meeting—she, a Stanford student; he, a Notre Dame star—after a football game outside Palo Alto.

Did you enjoy the uplifiting story, the tale of a man who responded to adversity by becoming one of the top players of the game? If so, stop reading.

Manti Te’o did lose his grandmother this past fall. Annette Santiago died on Sept. 11, 2012, at the age of 72, according to Social Security Administration records in Nexis. But there is no SSA record there of the death of Lennay Marie Kekua, that day or any other. Her passing, recounted so many times in the national media, produces no obituary or funeral announcement in Nexis, and no mention in the Stanford student newspaper.

Nor is there any report of a severe auto accident involving a Lennay Kekua. Background checks turn up nothing. The Stanford registrar’s office has no record that a Lennay Kekua ever enrolled. There is no record of her birth in the news. Outside of a few Twitter and Instagram accounts, there’s no online evidence that Lennay Kekua ever existed.

The photographs identified as Kekua—in online tributes and on TV news reports—are pictures from the social-media accounts of a 22-year-old California woman who is not named Lennay Kekua. She is not a Stanford graduate; she has not been in a severe car accident; and she does not have leukemia. And she has never met Manti Te’o.

First of all obviously this Deadspin article is long but it’s a must read if you want to get the full scoop on what actually happened. But this story is pretty much the main reason why I had to come out of blogging retirement today. Today’s Manti Te’o fake girlfriend fiasco blew up the internet harder and faster than almost anything these eyes have ever seen. Pretty sure twitter actually exploded when the news dropped.

But I find it hilarious that people legitimately believe that Manti Te’o made up his fake girlfriend and then fake killed her to gain media attention. No you idiots. Have you ever heard this guy talk before? Do you know what he’s all about? I barely even follow college football and I know that this dude is dumb as rocks and he’s a Mormon from Samoa. Put two and two together. The guy got duped. Duped hard. He fell in love with a hot chick on the internet aka a bald 45 year old fat USC fan living in his mom’s basement and now he’s paying the price. And the weird part is I don’t even blame him. I mean people are literally ripping him to shreds because he dated a girl he met on the internet. Saying how big of a prude he is because he talked to her on the phone every night but never actually saw her in person. Umm what planet am I living on? Like people know what Mormons believe in right? Not even exaggerating talking on the phone before you’re married is the equivalent of getting gangbang bukkaked to those freaks. Like remember the basketball player from BYU last year? The best player on the team who got kicked off the squad for having consensual sex with his girlfriend while in college? Yeah those people have a pretty reasonable grasp on reality. Honestly besides Eli Manning and sobriety Mormons scare me more than anything on the planet earth. So ease off Manti Te’o a lil bit. Dude made a mistake. We all have. And I guarantee you the next time he gets on twitter and someone asks him his a/s/l? he’ll think twice before falling in love.

DM – Tigers Woods is attempting to win his ex-wife Elin Nordegren back with a $200 million deal, according to the National Enquirer. The shamed golfer, 37, is desperate to win his ex-wife back, according to the magazine and has offered the hefty cash deal as well as a stern pre-nup. Elin, 33, who won a $110 million divorce settlement from the sportsman, is believed to have told him she will consider the proposal – but only if he includes a $350 million anti-cheating clause into the wedding contract.  Swedish blonde Elin is the mother of Tiger’s two young children, Samantha, five, and Charlie, three. A source told the Enquirer the deal was worth more than half of Tiger’s $600 million fortune, adding Elin feels it’s enough to keep him from straying. The source claimed: ‘Tiger didn’t even balk at the demand. Even though his accountants think he’s crazy, he’s ready to sign the pre-nup and set a wedding date. ‘The guy has never recovered from being dumped by Elin. He’s dated lots of models and bimbos, but none of them were more than a one night stand.’

I don’t even know where to begin with this story. Like on the one hand this is the absolute dumbest move in the history of life by Tiger Woods. Offering his ex wife $200 million dollars to take him back and then sweetening the deal with the $350 million no-cheat clause. I mean yeah I guess I understand where he’s coming from. Everybody tries to get back with their ex at one point or another. The only difference is most people thumb out a drunken text at 3 in the morning that they immediately regret the second they wake up. They don’t write up a marriage contract giving away half their worth like they’re negotiating a new deal with Nike. Like newsflash Tiger there’s other chicks in the sea besides hookers. Maybe hit up eHarmony if you’re looking for more than just a one night stand? Or at the very least fly over to Sweden and pick yourself out another drop dead gorgeous blonde because every broad over there looks exactly the same.

But on the other hand how bad would it make Elin look if she actually accepted this shit? I mean don’t get me wrong I would do this deal in a fucking heartbeat if I was her. There’s literally less than a zero percent chance Tiger wouldn’t cheat on her again in the first 3 months and when he does she’ll be worth more than California. But wasn’t the only reason she dropped his ass in the first place because of how humiliated she was by his rampant cheating? How bad she felt when she found out that he was doing lines of coke and fucking everything with a pulse behind her back? Elin wouldn’t stand for that. She’s too classy. Well what would taking him back in exchange for 200 million dollars prove? It would essentially make her no better than the dirty whores Tiger was paying off to fuck in the first place. The way I see it is if she gets back with Tiger for free because she thinks he deserves a 2nd chance and wants the best for her children than more power to her. But if she needs 200 or potentially 350 million fucking dollars to tie the knot with him again than she’s just as big of a fraud as he is and these two sociopaths deserve each other.

PS- Didn’t she already get close to 200 million from the initial divorce settlement? What in the actual FUCK does a god damn nanny from Sweden possibly need half a BILLION dollars for? It’s actually mind boggling how this woman could become one of the richest people on the planet by literally doing nothing. Snake it til you make it at it’s finest.

Ummm ya no shit the ESPN cameras sucked my dick all night… You can’t teach that kind of passion + sexy.

PS- Yes obviously I always sit in the first row no matter what event I attend. Nosebleeds are for losers.

Double PS- Megan if you’re reading this call me I forgot to save your number.

Umm hey Manny… think ya left a couple of your teeth in the 3rd row.